7 Phrases That Make Church Visitors Groan

Church visitors should be treated like gold. But sadly, they sometimes feel excluded by the very people who are trying to make them feel included. How does this happen?

I believe it’s mostly due to communication errors. Most people simply don’t realize that what they’re saying is inappropriate or even offensive. They likely have good intentions, but they fail to think about how their comments might make others feel (a friend of mine helps his church staff avoid this error by reminding them to “think like a visitor”).

Like it or not, church members will continue to unknowingly offend visitors. No leader can (or should) control what others say to a visitor, but what leaders can do is make better word choices when they get the chance to speak in front of the congregation. What is said by the person holding the microphone will not only put visitors at ease, it will also model the type of language that others in the church will hopefully adopt. 

Here are seven phrases that you should think twice about before using.

1. "If you're visiting with us today, we're so glad that you're here."

A classic line that worship leaders and emcees often use as a greeting to welcome guests. On the surface, there’s nothing “wrong” with this statement. But this statement carries subtle messages that aren’t helpful. 

• This identifies visitors as a separate group which might make them feel like the one person at the dinner table who isn’t a blood relative. Most visitors don’t want extra attention; they’d rather be treated like everyone else. 
• Unless there's an added message or course of action, these words of “gladness” are just words. Depending on how visitors experience the rest of the worship gathering (does anyone introduce themselves to them?), this statement might later be interpreted as empty words and reinforce a presupposition that a visitor may have of the church or of the Christian faith.  

I suggest that you use inclusive language when you address visitors. You can speak to them directly, but make the transition from “them” to “us.” Here’s an example: “Thanks for being here today. Whether you’re a newcomer or have been part of our church family for decades, we’re thankful that we can worship God in this place together.”  

2. "Make sure to invite your non-Christian friends.”

 This statement is often used to describe a particular happening and it’s directed to those who are active in the church. This might help church members understand the ethos of an event, but it communicates something else to visitors. Namely,

• "We might call you a guest, visitor, or newcomer, but if you haven’t made a decision to follow Jesus we really just think of you as a non-Christian. You’re not one of us; you’re one of them."
• "You’re at the wrong event. We might have said that we’re excited for you to be here, but the better place for you to be is at the event that’s designed for people like you." 

Encouraging people to invite others to an event is important and this can be done on the stage without having to use the non-Christian label. If a longer explanation is needed about why it’s an ideal event for a non-Christian to come to, there are better times and places to do this. 

3. "If you’re new or visiting our church today, please don’t give anything.”

Church visitors often feel uncomfortable when money is discussed and the offering is collected. In response, some speakers will tell visitors not to give anything. This may lessen the pressure that some may feel, but it also highlights the separation between members and visitors (shades of #1 again). It can also create the unfortunate scenario down the road where an individual is happy to bypass the offering because they feel the permission to abstain still applies to them (“You told me not to give when I first started coming here so why should I start giving now?”). Plus, some visitors may actually want to contribute! Telling them not to give may deny them of the opportunity to bless the church and to receive a blessing from God.

I suggest crafting a statement and practicing it so that you say what you actually mean. I believe a short explanation about the offering is critical (why are we giving? what will it be used for?). In the past, I have said something like this: “It’s time for us to worship God with our finances. If you’re visiting with us today, we hope you don’t feel obligated to give, but you can certainly participate as well.” 

4. “No one is going to judge you.”

It’s never wise for a speaker to make a blanket statement for an entire group, especially when it’s entirely based on an assumption. The motivation behind this comment is to ease the fear that a person may have of taking action (requesting prayer, making a decision, worshipping, etc.), but instead, it can trigger apprehension that a person hadn’t previously thought about ("Wait a minute, people might stare at me?!"). Plus, this statement is almost positively untrue. Chances are, there will be people who jump to conclusions when they see others around them take action.

It’s better to inspire people to take action than to give them false information about how others will respond.

5. "We won’t make you feel uncomfortable.”

This generalization is more dangerous than the previous one because it assumes that the speaker knows how everyone will feel (or worse yet, will determine the feelings of everyone else). Simply put, you can’t prescribe feelings. Statements like these will likely do the opposite of what was intended: it will make people feel uncomfortable and your credibility as a speaker and leader may also take a hit. 

6. “The Bible says…”

There are a number of problems with this statement, but I’ll stick to the topic. Many visitors will know very little about the Bible or care very little about what it has to say. If you try to strength the Bible’s relevance by pointing to its authority, you will convince visitors that it has no relevance.

Instead, share why the Biblical principle is helpful by showing how it provides a remedy to a problem that visitors can identify with.

7. “Let’s take a few minutes to greet the people around you.”

People either love this time or hate it. Based on what others have shared with me, I believe this is the part of the worship gathering that makes people feel most uncomfortable and self-conscious (Thom Rainer did a quick poll on this and found it to be the top reason why visitors choose not to return to a church). 

If a designated greeting time is highly value by your church and can’t be changed, you should consider how you can make visitors feel more comfortable during this time period.

Can you think of other phrases that should be avoided? If so, please send them here and I’ll update the blog with your submission. 

- Keith Reed