Suffering and Brokenness: Pathways to Living Authentically (Part 1)

We all love suffering and brokenness, right? Have you ever noticed that our society has an aversion to pain and if you’re like me, you do, too. We over medicate against it. We’ll go to great lengths to avoid it or at least lessen it. We even try to distract ourselves, so that we feel less pain.

Confession time. My dentist’s office has a television mounted in the ceiling above every one of their patient chairs. It’s one of the main reasons I’ve been going to them for 20 years. They can clean or fix my teeth while I’m distracted from the pain they’re inflicting on me. It’s great!

Several years ago, our family went on our usual 5,000-kilometer summer road trip to Alberta and Saskatchewan to visit family. While staying with my wife’s parents, I asked my father-in-law, a self-taught mechanic, whether he would be interested in fixing an oil leak on our van. He looked at me and said, “No, but I’ll supervise you while you fix it.” I’m sure I had a look of horror on my face as I responded, “Ohhh…kay.”

So, the big day came. We started taking pieces off to get to the cam seals and of course, while we were at it, the timing belt because once you get that far, you might as well keep going. After a full day of taking things apart, we got to the right spot and put in new seals and the belt. I was pretty pumped until I looked at my father-in-law’s workbench that was filled with parts that somehow had to get back into our van. My anxiety level began to skyrocket as I realized that I wasn’t sure how everything was supposed to go back together.

Life is sometimes like that workbench, strewn with various pieces that we’re supposed to somehow put together. Yet, we don’t know how. Life can be confusing, complex, chaotic. How’s this all going to work out?

Let me tell you, I was so glad that my father-in-law was there to supervise and help me put our van back together. And you know what, we did it!

I’m also very thankful for our heavenly Father who specializes in managing what looks like chaos to us, helping us chart a path forward, as we trust Him.

Well, that summer holiday of learning some important life lessons wasn’t over yet. On one of our hot travel days, we had the brilliant idea of stopping at a waterslide and enjoying some family fun. One of our first stops at the water park was the “Valley of Fear.”

Imagine a large u-shaped kind of waterslide where you start at the top of one side in a two-person boat and go careening down and up and down and up until your boat stops at the bottom. Well, as we stood in line, we began to see some mishaps, but my kids assured me that everything would be just fine.

We get to the top. It’s our turn. I climb into the boat and the lifeguard shouts three instructions. “Hold on to the sides! Keep your backside up and tuck in your chin!” And then before these commands could even register, we’re hurtling down the slide. Now, the whole time, I’m trying to remember those all-important commands. Number one: Hold on to the sides. No problem with that one. I was holding on for dear life. What was number two? Oh yea, keep your backside up. Check! At that point, the deep thinking part of me is asking, “So, why is that?” I get the holding on… At that point, I start to panic because I realize that there was a third command, but I can’t remember what it was. It was something about…Bam! Too late! We hit the bottom of the Valley of Fear and jolt up the other side.

Now, what happens when you’re moving fast in one direction and then suddenly move fast in another direction. Well, nothing, IF your chin is neatly tucked into your chest. Ahhh, that was the third command! Failure to remember that little instruction resulted in whiplash. I was done for the day and, in fact, had neck issues for several months. What had my kids said as we lined up for the Valley of Fear, something about everything will be just fine?

Just like my experience on the waterslide that day, life can sometimes throw us a completely unexpected jolt like a medical emergency, the loss of a job, hurtful comments from a friend, a global pandemic. We’re going in one direction and all of a sudden, life jerks us in a different direction. Perhaps, we begin to experience a type of emotional whiplash. Life’s jolts can do that.

Well, that summer holiday wasn’t done with me yet. The last day, we’re driving through the mountains on a remote stretch of road, when I hear a loud, pounding noise coming from the engine. I pull over, open the hood, and discover that the belt that drives some pretty important parts like the alternator was severely frayed and part of the frayed part had been whipping against the engine, making the pounding noise. We were probably 40 kilometers from the nearest town. After praying and discussing what to do, I cut off the frayed part of the belt. We managed to make it to the next town where I was able to purchase a new belt.

Sometimes, I, and perhaps you, as well, feel like that engine belt – we feel frayed. We’ve got one nerve left and everyone seems to be getting on it. We may not even be able to pinpoint the source of our emotional fatigue, but it’s real and we’re just limping along – hoping to find relief somehow, somewhere.

All three of these stories point to some of life’s challenges. If the truth be told, we sometimes try to simplify or minimize life’s complexities. We try to force order on chaos. We make assumptions to clear away confusion. As we encounter life’s jolts, we may be tempted to deny what’s happening, to cover over our pain, to distract ourselves from the surgery that God wants to do amidst life’s challenges. As we experience emotional fatigue, we might try to prop ourselves up with stimulants, products and activities that give us a momentary buzz, but fail to provide lasting relief.

Let me suggest there’s a better way. God intends for us to grow through our hardships – to experience a healthy kind of brokenness. You see, suffering and brokenness is a difficult pathway to follow, but, I believe, it can lead to a deeper authenticity that affects our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. 

Peter Scazzero has said, “Mature spiritual leadership is forged in the crucible of difficult conversations, the pressure of conflicted relationships, the pain of setbacks, and dark nights of the soul.

The school of hard knocks has a way of teaching us deep lessons, if we’re willing to listen and learn.

Take a moment to reflect on some of the challenges you are facing right now. How is God using them or how might He use them to shape your character?